Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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