i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
