FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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