he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
