Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
