who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
