i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
