is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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