Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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