you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
