So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
