I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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