so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
