Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
