Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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