please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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