I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
