3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
