I wanna bring you to show and tell
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
