yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
