i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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