Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
