hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
