he puts the penis in happiness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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