Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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