Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
