I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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