What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So much rum. So many feels.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
