Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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