you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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