then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
