I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
