the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
