it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
