Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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