were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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