my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
