She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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