Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
