The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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