perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
