I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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