So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
