They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
