shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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