C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
