Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
