if i can run in heels then i can drive
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
