I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im six kinds of drunk right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
