She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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